A massive dose of Nothing: Welcome to a Purposeless World

Exams… March 30, 2009

The last ones are always the worst, aren’t they?

Groan.

March 28, 2009

Bleh. The exams stretch on needlessly. I find myself getting bored in the middle of papers, and disinterested in preparing for forthcoming exams. I have 2 papers on Monday, of which one is a potential killer, and, well, the thing is that while I enoy reading about matters of Decent Work, WTO agreements, history of trade unions etcetera, I do NOT like answering questions on them. I feel like I am vomiting out on paper what people have already said about it. Reproducing facts in 2 hours. Just how creative can you get while defining Decent Work??

This is where I miss answering literature questions.

March 25, 2009

For the first time in my life, I bought a tooth brush. And it went horribly wrong.

Most of my toothbrushes have been magically supplied by my parents. Some of them have come free with my toothpaste. Since the free maal seemed to suit my teeth just fine, I naturally presumed that the stuff in the markets would conform to similar, ahem, standards.

Evidently not. I need a new toothbrush.

March 25, 2009

I feel like a potions master as I reassign water. I have an army of bottles in my room. All except one are 500 ml in order to encourage me to drink more water than I actually do. The 2 litre bottle, the one that is being currently drained, is because I am lazy. It allows me 2 litres of space before I have to fill water again.

Reminds me of a short story I read as a child. A city girl goes to visit her cousins in a village, and has to share their duties. One of the duties include filling water. And she sets out with them, with an earthen pot, in peak summer, to a source far, far away. On the way back, she trips and falls, breaking the pot, and losing the precious water.

They trudge back to the source. I head to my aquaguard.

As I wait for the second part of the second exam to begin… March 24, 2009

I notice that my laptop is considerably dirty. Dusty. Distressed.

Distressing.

March 23, 2009

I’m sitting here, listening to Lemon Tree, trying to convince my mind to not realise that it is beginning to feel sleepy. I have 50% of my paper to still prepare for, and I have NO intention of staying awake beyond three o’clock.

I am upon the exams, finally, and I refuse to let it mess with my sleep 🙂 A paper today (and 7.5 hours of sleep the previous night), and a paper tomorrow (with a 2 hour evening nap and a 6 hour sleep forthcoming). And a paper the day after. I am fairly unused to consecutive papers, but not un-used to enough to have actually finished with preparations before hand 🙂

Our institute has a concept of ‘foundation courses’. These are compulsory, and are somehow meant to fill the lacunae of our school and graduate level education. By themselves, they are fairly interesting, but the whole ‘compulsory’ bit drains the juice somewhat. Ok, sorry for that terrible expression (but you get the picture). These could-have-been-interesting-courses fall into the trap of mundane-ity, and therefore, tomorrow is more of a chore than an exercise of academic excitement.

Have I mentioned how I hate time-bound exams?

While I am extremely tempted to play another song (and watch a few Python clips, and generally entertain myself) 3.5 hours before I turn in, I realise, in the interests of my timely graduation, I must not. Not. Not.

(Freedom comes on March 31. And so, hopefully, does Flight 666 on torrent, by then 😀 )

Happy Gudi Padwa, folks 🙂

Was Jack happy? March 15, 2009

I’ve been thinking. I tend to do that a lot, not the kind of thinking that actually yields anything conclusive; I usually end up with more questions that sometimes serve to quieten whatever stimulated the think session anyway (and most times-not). So, I’ve been thinking. I’ve had this issue float in and out of my head many times, but it hasn’t ever had the space to truly bother me.

The whole thing about excellence, and striving for greatness…I don’t get it. I admire Great People (who have Achieved Greatness in areas I care about anyway 🙂 ), I admire the concept of striving to achieve greatness, but time and again, I have completely failed to recognise in me ANY sign of wanting to be great. Which is not to say I haven’t as a kid wanted to be famous and all that, and which is NOT to say that I lack interest in things around me. I just don’t care enough to work so hard at anything that could, atleast theoretically, catapult me to greatness.

For example. I like to write. I even like some of the stuff that comes out of my head. But I will not work at my writing, and do not harbour ambitions of being published in anything significant. Sure, it would be great if I had a wonderful piece of fiction by me out in bookstalls, but the idea isn’t attractive enough for me to take any steps towards realising any such (non)ambition.

And so on and so forth for everything else that I have had, and continue to have, more than a passing fancy for, and have been told I have potential for. I would rather read brilliant books, listen to soul-currying music, watch absorbing movies, eat palate-busting food, etc., than write brilliant books, make soul-currying music, absorbing movies and palate busting food (temporarily assuming I have the ability to do so).

I lack the ambition; should that bother me? I like taking IN stuff, I do not like producing. And I have never wanted to be the best at anything. The few times when I have wanted to produce, it has been a passing phase. Maybe one project, one paper, that in any case would not get repeated the next year. When I am inetersted in something, I pursue it till the time it makes me happy (and in several matters, I’m not that hard to please), and move on when it stops being so. Pursuing it to greater levels does not cause greater happiness, so I kind of don’t bother.

I am still thinking. Mostly about why it doesn’t bother me when it should.

March 6, 2009

I haven’t done an I-have-so-many-submissions post in a while now 🙂 But now I will.

I have 3 term papers to write, two assignments to prepare and one presentation to make. Everything has to be submitted next week, and not only am I pressed for time, I am very disinterested in most. I just want to throw together something, have a fairly decent number of words, and be done with it. Exams begin last week of this month, and I don’t even know what papers I have, its all a muddle (and it’s not entirely my fault, either 😛 ).

I’m out of Bombay in a few weeks. My stint here is done. We hand over the keys of our accomodation on March 31, and head back home. The rest of my flatmates come back for the second year in the hostel, but I do my internship in Delhi for a semester. And for the last semester, I don’t need to be in Mumbai.

I can hardly believe it is time to give up our flat. While it never became ‘home’ for me, we had all got used to it. The walls they attempt tp grow on you. I think I’m even getting to like Bombay now. What it lacks for in warmth, it more than makes up for in public transport. And by that I mean all aspects of public transport, including the kind of people who travel in them.

So we pack in all traces of our existence in less than a month and its time to adjust again. While the pros and cons have been measured (many times), I’d have to say I do finally see the balance levelling a bit. When I first moved out of home I hated the idea of falling sick. Now I know I can handle illness and anything else that might come my way, including Public ‘conveniences’ and laundry issues. My ‘comfort zone’ expanded considerably, and that is worth a lot of the shit that came with the year 🙂

This year I turn 22. I’m ageing! The clocks should be forcibly held at 20, by far the best number to be.

Spring March 3, 2009

And so begins the prettiest month in Delhi.