jump to navigation

April 29, 2006

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, Life.

There are times when you want to write, because writing is a release, and the words don’t come. The words are all there, hovering in your brain and mind. The words form a thick, glutinous mass, but they refuse to unstick and flow. Remember that botched chemistry practical, where the mass in your test tube fused with the bottom, instead of doing whatever it was supposed to do? Well, there you have it. If you can recall that, then you know that the words are that mass.

I see the glob of words staring at me. I think I detect traces of fear, boredom, desperation and defeat in them. I almost see them pleading to not be let out. They want to stay where they are. I’m tempted to oblige them, but then again, what do the words know. They are the form of thoughts, not thoughts themselves. Thoughts hover in the air; they are not in the employ of reality. They don’t have an obligation to the thinker. So they soar; and sometimes stray. But the thinker does not have the parental authority to rebuke. Words, on the other hand, are manacled to reality. They are obliged to go hand-in-hand. There are times when both are desperate to separate; pull agonisingly against the restraints. You will see many a bleeding wrists if you choose to look, but never a pair of broken manacles.

Who is master, then? Thoughts, words or reality? Are You the supreme commander of them all? Were you ever able to unfuse the mass in the test tube? How many times were you able to go on with the experiment without grabbing another?

I most definitely am not in control of my thoughts, words or reality. I can streamline them, attempt to mould them, subtly nudge them, but that is as far as my influence over me ends. These things grow organically; before long they begin to pulsate with life. Throbbing away. Do you hear it?


Pendulum April 27, 2006

Posted by K in Fiction.

A swinging pendulum. Back and forth.

Back and forth.


Four pairs of eyes followed its motion, not one eyelid batting.

“Will it?”

“I don’t think so.”

“It shouldn’t.”

“But maybe”

Some distance away, a pale shadow, indistinguishable from others, watched. On closer observation, one discerned that it was not a shadow at all. It was Omniscience.

A fifth entered.


“You! Fast!”

“Calculus!” Simultaneously, another, “Tintin!”

“Detective!” “Physics!”


Omniscience smiled, and shook its head.

“More! Fast, I say!”


“Gravity!” “Motion!” “Fluidity” “Godot!” “Life, truth, patriarchy!”

And so on.



The shadow sat back. Took a leisured look at its long, slender fingers.

“You are good children. But you have much to learn.”


Five silenced voices. Watchful eyes. A weary sigh.


“That will not do!” sharply, the shadow. “There is no place for defeatism. Go.”


Five become four. Four watchful eyes. Four stilled eyelids.

The Shadow rises. “Follow me, now.”

A clatter of feet, a creak of a door, and-outside.

“Ten minutes.” Four curt nods of acknowledgement.


Elsewhere; a religious debate. A political debate. An argument on feminism. A discourse on life. A look at prostitution. Communism.

Omniscience smirked.

“Work on, children, work on.”


Seventy years on. One pair of eyes watching a pendulum swing. Back and forth.

Eager eyes watching the watcher. Spittle hanging out of the corner of the mouth.

Eyelid unmoving, following the progress of the bob back, and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth, until suddenly-

“IT’S STOPPED!” shrieked Omniscience. “The pendulum has ceased to move!”


The one with the watching eyes looked up, unperturbed. And abandoning the pendulum, got up and walked, donning the mantle of god.


April 27, 2006

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, Fiction, Friends, Life.
add a comment

It was night time. The street was well lit. A girl was walking. Alone; but the street was well lit. every now and then she would turn around and check if anyone was there.

It was a long street.



It was daytime. People were moving on streets. One girl moved among them. Blind and paralysed.

“Shall I help you cross the street?” asked a kind soul.

The girl turned a sightless eye, but heard only a cacophony of noises.



It was a bright, sunny day. There were people on the beach. Everywhere you looked, you saw…friends.

“Let’s play!” said one of them.

And suddenly she slid to the centre. And the others rotated on a merry-go-round.



An ordinary day. A coffee table, a mug of coffee. A magazine, open on a centre page.

A bird flew in, hopped onto the table. Looked at the open page. A few moments of incomprehension; then with a start, it flew away.


The coffee remained undrunk; and then, a gust of wind swept in. The pages rustled, then flew about with frenzy. Suddenly, there was a thump. The magazine had fallen off the table, right side up.


Touch The Sky! April 25, 2006

Posted by K in Life, Nonsense, Poem.

The sun bright and yellow,

The moon warm and mellow,

Smile down upon me from the sky,

So blue,oh, so high!

I could just reach up,

With the tip of one finger, ever so up;

Stretch on my toes,

As high as it goes,

Peer through a closed eye,

Then give a satisfied sigh,

As the skin of one nail tip,

Touches the sky!

I Believe in God April 25, 2006

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, contemporary, Death, God, Life, Politics, Reviews/Rants.

I am inexplicably loyal to NDTV. It’s got nothing to do with the news they show; after all, every body in the business knows when there’s a blast or a fire, and they all seem to have enough moolah to buy a million Qualises that go zooming to the scene of interest. Its kind of stupid, actually, the way they are so desperate to prove that they and not the competition were the first to report the news. What do I care if NDTV flashed news of the Bihar air crash a few bulletins before Aaj Tak? If I were a relative, then I’d either have got the news directly from the scene(unlikely, but possible) or have had a few more moments of blessed ignorance. The mad scramble is sadly reminiscent of little kid fights, when children fight each other to be the first to present the days rose to the revered class teacher.

No, I think I like NDTV because of programs like We the People, Big Fight etc. True CNN-IBN is replicating some of those programs- after all, where did Sardesai come from? But NDTV had them first. Its their baby, and they get to keep my continued admiring glances. We The People is something every Indian ought to watch and be proud of.. True the audience is mainly made up of people who receive urgent phone calls disguised as YOU’LL BE ON TV! phone calls, but those people do get a chance to participate in a process of democratic debate. I am glad I live in a democracy. It might be a hollow democracy, a democracy of the elite, the mainstream India that is a part of the much boasted of ‘biggest democracy’, but it is still much more than what Nepal has of now.

This got driven into me by Maidenrays who posts on a forum I frequent. She’s from Nepal, and was naturally affected by the conflict raging there. She came online some weeks ago, and wrote that if things calmed down she would be able to go home that night; otherwise she would have to spend another night at the office.

Not a big deal, if one needs to come down to it. Many people spend nights at the office for whatever reasons. But atleast the democracy I as an individual, as a part of upper class India ensures that I do not encounter day to day in-your-face oppression.

Ofcourse this doesn’t mean that I sit back on my haunches and admire a job well done, for one needs only to be complacent to grab the poison leaves instead of natural toilet paper.

‘India’ is a non-entity. It cannot be a country. It is too diverse, but this diversity instead of fetching unity, fetches conflict, identity issues and, did I mention, conflict? To show you how this ‘unity’ doesn’t exist, let me ask you to look at Indian Literature. What is the ‘unifying’ factor between a Mahapatra and an Ezekiel? Between a writer from Meghalaya and Karnataka? Many people have tried to define Indian Literature, but the definition doesn’t exist. It is too vast, too varied for one to find a common ground, unless it be the ground of it being Indian. And I’m questioning the concept of India, aren’t I? For those who would like to read more about the problems of an “Indian’ literature, I would advise a perusal of Shormishtha Panja’s very interesting essay in Many Indias Many Literatures.

And because India as a country is such an unviable concept we have singular disparities arising out of superfluous things like caste, class, gender. See, I have this little pet theory. I think man has this primal urge, greater than even that of sex, to rise above other men. Everybody wants to be different, and this difference translates into many facets of one’s personality. Because man wanted to be different, and better than the person next door (a twisted form of survival of the fittest? A chronic state of competition?) he invented religion; gender differences; class differences; infact any and everything is enough to drive home a difference. Really, sameness is not so much ignored, as brushed under a humongous carpet. You rarely have a bunch of people celebrating humanity; atleast not the bunch that has the power to change all our lives. And it’s a strange, vicious cycle; the ones who are different change when they rise to a similar position. Sorry, Mr. Premchand, But Algu and Jumman don’t seem to exist in the world I live in. But-I’m straying from my topic.

What I mean to say is that larger the boundary, larger the competition. Larger the number of differences, larger the number of conflicts. Countries should be created purely because of administrative needs( I DO need administration; I rather believe in the chaos theory) and the basis of division should be similarity and most definitely not far-fetched, exotic, intoxicating concepts of ‘diversity’. If India would split up into 26-wait,now, how many states do we currently have?- countries, there would be less and more conflict.

Sigh. I’m rambling, but I do have a point. Sad thing is, too many prickly issues in the world today stands at a stalemate. Do the right thing, yes, Michael Moore, for what else can one do? But really, the Kali Yug needs to end. Most religions seem to agree on that.

Straying YET again, Kierkegaard has a point. Too many issues, and too much news can be destructive. It can lead to intellectual, empathatical, ideological burnout. You can be pulled by 5-6 different strings at the same point, the result of which would be that you are where you are when you picked up the newspaper-eager to make a difference, but unable to. But please do not pick an issue randomly. That is stupid Mr. Kierkegaard. If you have no reason to pick an issue don’t. Stay issueless.

And if the title of this post seems unconnected, it isn’t. It’s what gives me hope and truly lights my way.

April 22, 2006

Posted by K in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Exams are over! So why am I not elated? BUZZZ! and YOU have the right answer! BECAUSE I DIDN"T STUDY AND HAVE BAD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS SO I DID A BAD PAPER.

So don't feel like writing now. Too much into 'prowler'.

Will post later. 

April 19, 2006

Posted by K in Uncategorized.

I'm a slave to reality and feminism.


 Run fight to breathe it’s tough
Now you see me now you don’t
Break the walls I’m coming out

Not a prisoner I’m a free man
And my blood is my own now
Don’t care where the past was
I know where I’m going … out

I’m not a number I’m a free man
I’ll live my life how I want to
You’d better scratch me from your black book
Cos I’ll run rings round you

April 11, 2006

Posted by K in Uncategorized.

Being short is not central to my identity. It is not for me, and it shouldn’t be for people, especially those who are close to me.

     Sometimes it annoys me and amuses me that people who hold such lofty ideals about not discriminating against ‘fat’ people, and ‘disabled’ people think it is just fine to constantly refer to a person’s height as if it were an amusing thing, as if it were cute, and what is even more surprising, is that they expect the butt of their joke to join in with the laughter, or atleast appreciate the ‘humour’ of the situation. Oh, its funny, alright; the first time(the more oxygen one was actually funny :D)  the second time, even the third time. But it crosses a line when it becomes a daily occurrence. I am not referring to specific people, but lately I have been noticing it coming from my own friends very frequently.

    When people are with fat people, they make most conscious efforts to steer clear of topics that might be considered offensive. This is because fat people are pitied, and deep down everybody thinks along the lines of ‘my god! That’s so bad for his/her health!’ (And while we’re on that, why does everybody become so concerned for the health of fat people, when they might in fact themselves be unhealthier than the fat person. It smacks of ignorance and hypocrisy)  There is a convention for ‘ugly’ people as well. ‘You’re not ugly; beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder’. When a person says this, you just know that they feel sorry for you, and that they indeed think you’re not exactly great looking.

     You guys, that comment about the short little secy, along with constant ones of lil me, small hands annoy me when they are made with such regularity( from all of you). I know its not intentional(or I would stop liking you 😉 ) but it really bothers me. I don’t want to bring up this issue, because I don’t want to give the wrong impression; I’ve noticed that when one wants to talk about things like this, the automatic conclusion people come to is that you’re insecure about yourself, that you need to be consoled, that that particular thing doesn’t really matter in life. I know my height doesn’t matter in life. I have a particularly strong body image. I love my body and I love me 😀 ! It almost amounts to narcissism sometimes 😀 but I’m proud of it. I’m aware it’s an important trait to have, and although it might project you as a proud, egotistical individual, it will be your friend for life. It allows you to become one of your best friends. It also creates a distance between you and other people sometimes, but then again, often enough you’ll realise that it is a distance that ought to be created. Its either the whole you, or a compromised you, and if the ego demands you disown the compromised you, so be it 😀 

       I have noticed that people harbour a lot of prejudices about short people. They find it amusing when short people are in control, are in a position of authority. And you have comments like he/she’s so short but look at the power he/she wields! Especially heads of institutions. Even cricketers aren’t excluded from this prejudice. This can probably be traced back to psychological reasons, like short people resembling children etc. All fair and cool, but for gods sake grow up sometime! One ought be mature enough to see that a certain characteristic, be it colour, gender,  looks, height, horizontal measurement, physical ‘complete-ability’ etcetera, cannot be the only attributive of an individual, especially if the individual doesn’t want it to be. The latter part of the sentence is very important because some fools believe that it is alright to categorise pretty people and make it their defining feature. This point was driven home when I happened to catch an episode of America’s Next Top Model, where an aspirant was very upset about the way people categorise models as beautiful people and nothing more. I am MORE THAN THAT! She said. I’m an intelligent, cultured human being who does many other things too, is interested in so many other things as well, so WHY do people persist in seeing me as ‘just’ a model?   

    Oh well, end of long ranty post. I just feel that if my other close friends can see more of me than my height, my new friends ought to too 😀 I have no bitter feelings, just intense irritation. Heed my words!  😀

asleep April 5, 2006

Posted by K in Uncategorized.
add a comment

This blog will go to sleep till the exams are done and got out of the way with.