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January 1, 2009

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings.

Oh wow! I see wordpress has changed the ‘Add New Post’ page. It’s quite fancy now. Bleh. I miss the old one (smilie)

Ok, so tra la la la, the new year is here. The papers declare India CAN and WILL. As far as *I* am concerned, I don’t give a **** eusa_whistle.gif

Which is not to say I’ve turned cynical. I’m just older and WISER pppp.gif (Yes,yes, excessive usage of emoticons. But what better way for this half of me to say hi to maidenfansunited.com this lovely new year.)

So 2008 saw my vocabulory adopt new phrases, quite a few of which include domesticative items. I discovered my OCD-ness. And Maiden is coming again (somethings never changenelson3.gif)

A lot of people died in 2008. Right up to December 31, 2008.

Milk is suddenly a beverage worth investing in.

Tamil pulp fiction is also worth investing in.

Grey’s Anatomy ought to have quit while ahead.

ZooZimps rule!fist.gif

And most importantly, Eddie continues to own your soul.

Happy New Year, folks. Keep it ticking.


October 20, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, Diary.

Just when I thought I was beginning to like Google Chrome enough to say bye bye to firefox-it behaves badly. It keeps hanging, I don’t know whether that is common or just something about today.

I’m in the middle of exams again, comfortably looking down upon them(again). I mean really-what is the point of exams? It tests how you organise your knowledge and put it down on paper. How does that help anything in the real world? Will my ability to finish a paper in three hours affect how I run an organisation or administer a fund?

Avial is currently stuck in my head. Especially Nada Nada. I’m glad I don’t understand Malayalam…my love for them might just reduce if I understand what they are saying. Or then again-maybe not.

Casablanca is nice.

So is Dell. Except, I certainly hope Dell will do me the goodness of replacing the lid of my green lappie. The satin finish is peeling and I am highly distressed.

I can’t wait to get back to Delhi. Libraries, movies, art and theatre. Bliss.

The Tik-Tik Man October 8, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, contemporary, Faction, Life.
Tags: , ,

The Tik-Tik man was always there. Outside the ice-cream parlour, while the rich kids ate, the Tik-Tik man walked up and down, with a sack on his shoulder, and toys in his hands. He would make the Tik-Tik toy go tik-tik every few seconds, hoping the sound would penetrate the ice-cream cones and the traffic jams. He had spectacles and greying hair, a slight figure and an expression of un-envy as car after car would disgorge its contents onto the pavement outside the parlour. College kids, small kids, young couples, and lots and lots of veiled women. Perhaps the Tik-Tik man wondered how they would lick the cones of anjeer ice-cream through the barrier of the veil. Or perhaps the Tik-Tik man said fuck you bitch. Perhaps the Tik-Tik man says fuck you a lot more often than his benign appearance betrays. Fuck you, you piece of shit. Your ice-cream costs twenty eight bucks. Your auto costs another twenty. One way. My toy costs thirty five. And I’m evening willing to negotiate. Fuck you for not having to begin your day at six in the morning and end it at twelve at night. Fuck you for not having to do two jobs to feed your family and put your kids through school. Fuck you for being able to not notice me.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

But the Tik-Tik man will probably not utter the ‘f’ word. The Tik-Tik man probably tells himself that his dignity is not ground in dust every second, that he doesn’t mind being just a part of the scenery. I don’t know. What I do know, is that the Tik-Tik man works for an advocate in Andheri in the day time, and sells toys from eight in the evening. The advocate pays him three thousand rupees a month, an amount that I contribute towards my (muchly) shared flat every month, and what I do know, is that it is not enough to sustain his family. The Tik-Tik man has two children who go to college, and the Tik-Tik toys that are bought probably go into the college fund. What I do know, is that the Tik-Tik man sells his wares with good cheer. What I do not know, is why the Tik-Tik man doesn’t hate us more.

I, too, wonder at the patience of the poor in our country.

April 17, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, Fiction.
Tags: ,

As it so happens, mosquitoes bother me. I am not one of them who can absently swat at one of them irritating buggers and flip the page in the same motion. I start up when I hear the whine in my ear, wildly slap at it, and nurse my coffee waiting to hear it approach again. I cannot concentrate when there are mosquitoes around me, I cannot sleep if I see a mosquito in the vicinity.

People are scared of snakes. I fear mosquitoes.

The other day, I was at a coffee shop, drinking coffee and silently waiting for ideas to catch me. It was good coffee, and the sun was lazy, so I was willing to indulge their absence. Besides, I had money, for a change.

How long can a good morning last? Before soon, I heard an electric crack. The fly catcher had caught a mosquito. My scalp prickled. Where there is one, there are bound to be others. A crazed brood, out for psychological blood.

I think they know their power. I am convinced they know the potency of their whine, otherwise, why do they fly around your ear? If it was food they were after, a quick swoop and a suck ought to have satiated them. I would never grudge them their nutrition; it’s the whine I object to.

I want to reach for my hair and tear them out, when I hear it…

I shifted to another table, but it was futile. The mosquitoes entered like a swarm and smothered the tiny place. I pushed back my chair, struggled with my wallet, and ran for the door. Beads of sweat dotted my middle-aged brow.

Out on the pavement, the sun was suddenly scorching hot, and there were suddenly too many people. Nobody seemed to mind the mosquitoes except for me.

They were blackening the horizon, like the locust clouds I had seen on teevee. My skin was suddenly tight against my throat, and I couldn’t breathe. I gasped and gagged, and staggered past people carrying umbrellas and children.

Shield the children! I wanted to squeak. The mosquitoes are coming!

The mosquitoes are coming…

The mosquitoes are coming…

February 23, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings.
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Not all of humanity sucks, no. Every now and then you meet people who show you that the other kind exists. Shows you what kind of a sheltered life you lead. The corporate dream is not always that. I mean, it also is, but its more about survival. They pay you more, and they are the ones willing to accomodate CSR. Although CSR as a term and policy sucks, it should not be down as such, and tax benefits shouldn’t be the reason. The govt. doesn’t care. Its idea of social responsibility is dole worth 200 bucks and a cane. But people still believe and struggle on, trying to make you see that you’re the one actually causing the struggle. See from how far I have come, they don’t say. They just see the happy end of the sun more often than people for whom the sun IS a happy end.
The odd bad egg turns up, they are people after all, and with them you do what you do with others- finish and move away quickly, but what you remember is the spirit of the others, spirit that is at the end of the day getting converted into jobs only because private players exist, and their greed for profit is also what motivates the hiring.

Two sides of a coin. Flip. Always.

February 12, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings.

Do you ever get the feeling that you are over-dosing on normal stuff? That it’s all collecting in the pit of your stomach and creeping up your oesophagus? That you want to scream and rage until it goes away-only to come back when you are fresh and ready?

Balance is such an enviable thing.

January 27, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, Nonsense.
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Blasting down the roadway to hellanheaven do you pause to stay? Believe my pretty flower river rushed the bushels spring for you. The moon beam rises inconstance be the watch word. Leave a tree to mark me. See you fall by the way. Straaay hay. The low quantity of work that rises in your bilious throat. Leave leave to be. Forever materialistic.

Work moves at a pace of a tortoise-impersonating-a-horse race.

January 21, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings.

“You live in LA-LA-LAND!”

Like it was a bad thing.

We all live in la-la-land. Comfortable, peanut-crunching movie-goers, watching life flash past. Some grow beards and proclaim EQUALITY FOR ALL!

Some sit and contemplate Marxism.

The thought is better than no(ugh)t.

Yeah right. And *I* live in la-la-land.

When was the last time you thought you ought to get food and got it? Where did thinking ever take you unless you translated it into action. When was that time when you bulldozed that quarter in your bid to act your thoughts, no matter that THEY had no place in your la-la-land…

You know the problem with us? We’re too smart. We have too many solutions. Yours will clash with mine, if not today, then the day before I die.

“I want to make a difference, Maam,” said the pipsqueak in school. That was his la-la-land. He grew up and became me.

I want to make a difference. I will not lead a Revolution. I am not a Marxist. The Marxists seem to have appropriated that term, but for this space, let me re-appropriate it.

Someday I will grow up. Till then, I shall join the revolution that tries to make people happy. Not the ones who can manage it on their own, but those who need something from la-la-land.

I live in la-la-land. I will fetch when they say dog. Except I am not a dog.

Remunimunations January 15, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, Life, Poem.

There was a time

Quite long ago

When I believed I would learn

The nuances of being


The years came and went

But I remained

Dreadfully incompetent.


Is there a way

A truth or a pattern

To wish my crowsfeet away?

They come when I smile

At people senile

When they ask me what I have made of my life.


Born astride a grave,

Fighting karma,

Explaining miseries away;

There is a god

No there is not

Come let’s play at it anyway


Deep orange ochre

A Fool and a joker

Building a castle

Of hay


Burble blip

Hop skippetty skip

Let’s dance, let’s play

In forced ignorance.

Back to Projects January 2, 2008

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, Diary, Life.

12 days of glorious aimlessness now need to come to an end. I have projects that need to be done, and while I do not in the least feel inclined to, or capable of, writing something that is not trash, I guess I will eventually have to get down to them. My objective mind tells me that I would rather not keep anything for the end of Jan, as MAIDEN…INDIA…2008! will mess with my Being. And I do know that the mind is right, except it’s so darn hard!! To do as it says, I mean.

I have discovered I am quite useless at research. I do not have the patience or respect for it. Pages and pages of work, both intellectual and physical, penned down in obtuse words…I know I ought to give due respect to Knowledge, except these days I’m thinking (more and more!) that Knowledge is really all bull. I am at the stage where I glorify non-sense because that is the only thing that makes sense; it seems to be the only thing reflecting the essence of life. I pick up books of nonsense poetry, read authors who give the finger to language(well, nonsense poets, mostly) and basically stick their tongues out to the world and burble away.

I am sick and tired of engaging with issues of politics, discrimination, injustice. I know my being sick and tired of them doesn’t make them go away, and neither is it my agenda to make them go away. I am just choosing to inhabit the plane that lies above them, and for as long as I see the existence of that plane. And in that plane, the brain is not required to function in ways that are necessary to write 1500 word (times four) projects.

However, I shall never again suffer the quality of projects I turned in last year. And it’s not fair to make the professors suffer them either.

My Resolution for early 2008 is to…*blank blank blank*. Damn that plane!

(Now where does that leave me?)