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Was Jack happy? March 15, 2009

Posted by K in Uncategorized.
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I’ve been thinking. I tend to do that a lot, not the kind of thinking that actually yields anything conclusive; I usually end up with more questions that sometimes serve to quieten whatever stimulated the think session anyway (and most times-not). So, I’ve been thinking. I’ve had this issue float in and out of my head many times, but it hasn’t ever had the space to truly bother me.

The whole thing about excellence, and striving for greatness…I don’t get it. I admire Great People (who have Achieved Greatness in areas I care about anyway 🙂 ), I admire the concept of striving to achieve greatness, but time and again, I have completely failed to recognise in me ANY sign of wanting to be great. Which is not to say I haven’t as a kid wanted to be famous and all that, and which is NOT to say that I lack interest in things around me. I just don’t care enough to work so hard at anything that could, atleast theoretically, catapult me to greatness.

For example. I like to write. I even like some of the stuff that comes out of my head. But I will not work at my writing, and do not harbour ambitions of being published in anything significant. Sure, it would be great if I had a wonderful piece of fiction by me out in bookstalls, but the idea isn’t attractive enough for me to take any steps towards realising any such (non)ambition.

And so on and so forth for everything else that I have had, and continue to have, more than a passing fancy for, and have been told I have potential for. I would rather read brilliant books, listen to soul-currying music, watch absorbing movies, eat palate-busting food, etc., than write brilliant books, make soul-currying music, absorbing movies and palate busting food (temporarily assuming I have the ability to do so).

I lack the ambition; should that bother me? I like taking IN stuff, I do not like producing. And I have never wanted to be the best at anything. The few times when I have wanted to produce, it has been a passing phase. Maybe one project, one paper, that in any case would not get repeated the next year. When I am inetersted in something, I pursue it till the time it makes me happy (and in several matters, I’m not that hard to please), and move on when it stops being so. Pursuing it to greater levels does not cause greater happiness, so I kind of don’t bother.

I am still thinking. Mostly about why it doesn’t bother me when it should.

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Comments»

1. Sumedha - March 15, 2009

I think you and I would be very good friend right now. I’ve been thinking almost exactly the same thing recently! I just canNOT make myself care enough about anything (grades, writing, singing, losing weight etc) to actually work hard at it. I think it’s just because I’m lazy. It’s also because I lack interest a bit… I’m not thaaat interested in anything right now that will inspire me to be the best at it.

My teachers have always complained about this to my parents… how I don’t work enough to “reach my potential”. Even though this lack of ambition isn’t really troubling me right now, I’m really hoping that I find SOME kind on ambition, anything that will make me care enough to try my hardest. Just to see what it would be like. I think it might be satisfying and… challenging?.. to care so much that I hate the idea of someone else being better than me (care so much to actually work to make sure that the someone else is behind me).

2. anonymouse - March 15, 2009

You don’t need ambition to get high. Climbing mountains is best done one step at a time.

3. kishore - March 16, 2009

Pinch me:O

4. sporadicblogger - March 18, 2009

Sumedha- Yes, I think a part of the reason for me too is laziness. And as for the feedback from teachers- I too have had pretty much the same 🙂

anonymouse- Maybe so. But the thing is that I don’t particularly want to get high, so if the one step at a time comes to be, it won’t be because it shall get me up there…

kishore- Why? Is it that shocking? 🙂

5. kishore - March 18, 2009

Nope It’s just that I’ve been feeling the same these last few days. It’s vicious. I blogged something like this, about the same time as you did.

6. pallavi - March 18, 2009

i love you 🙂

7. sporadicblogger - March 18, 2009

kishore- Heh, yeah figured after I visited your blog this evening 🙂

pallavi- Get back blogging, you!! 🙂

8. Vidha - May 3, 2009

I feel the EXACT same way. I’ve been working for ‘most 2 years now. I should want to get somewhere with it no? What if im a 35 year old woman doing the exact same thing I’m doing rite now, at the same company, at the same pay? Doesn’t scare me enough to want to push forward 😦

Alas.


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