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December 5, 2006

Posted by K in Uncategorized.
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Its exam time again. What fun! Snigger, snigger. When I switched on the computer, I thought I had a lot to say. Now, I discover, I don’t. Much as I’m tempted to finish before I start a ramble-actually, no, I’m not.  I like rambling. It’s so freeing. The thoughts can go from wherever to wherever, and I can chase them, not caring whether I catch them or not. I got called cynical today. Because I don’t like mush. That’s simplifying it a bit, A, but isn’t that what you said 🙂 . Hm. I’m not a cynic. I can be cynical (something I’ve grown into. Happens. With experience.), but I am not a cynic. I don’t doubt and disbelieve on principle, and I don’t derive any pleasure from cynicism. It doesn’t construct my identity in any way. I admit, freely and gladly, however, that I dislike mush, defining ‘mush’ to mean, well, mush. I don’t feel warm and melty when I hear sweet nothings uttered by one mushball to another. Ofcourse when the mushball is on tv, it’s a teeny bit easier to pretend its not fake, but for some reason, public display of mush(and mush is not to be restricted to only lovers) strikes me as hollow, probably because I can’t ever imagine myself doing it, nor do I understand it. That doesn’t mean I debunk the whole notion of mush; mush for me is different. A grass ring when one marries, rather than a gold/silver/whatever one is my idea of ultimate mush. Hm. Not too many people can understand why a grass ring is incredibly romantic 🙂 .Dead grass mind- for that incredible colour, and lack of the horrible smell of fresh cut grass.

Sigh, ramble power is not on full on today.

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Comments»

1. pallavi - December 6, 2006

study and let me study stop updating your blog ..shame shame hahahahhahaha

2. glandheim - December 7, 2006

Hi,

I was looking through your old posts, looking for an appropriate place to say this. I wrote it a couple of days ago, so I’ll just paste it into this comment space:

You and Diana apparently have a long and complicated relationship. I hope you can work it out. It’s sad for good friends to be on the outs.

One of the best friends of my entire life and I worked together and lived together on a terrible job in a terrible town in a terrible apartment for over a year-and-a-half. After we left, we couldn’t stand the sight of each other. We’d get together every three or four months to have a pitcher of beer and pretend to be friends, but our shared experience was so unpleasant that we couldn’t stand to be around each other.

It took us two years before we actually liked being together again. 25 years later we are still excellent friends.

From looking at your recent postings, your poems, and some of your older writings, I get the feeling that you and I think a lot more alike than either of us will ever think like Diana. But I find her irresistible in her effervescent happiness. I think her religion is a load of hooey (if you’re reading this — lol Diana) but it doesn’t bother me.

But I’ve only known her this way. You, apparently, knew here when she was different, and different in a way that you prefer.

When I was in my early 20s, if I encountered the kind of irrational, enthusiastic faith that I see in Diana, I considered it my mission in life to enlighten them. I would study the person; learn their influences, their teachers, their weaknesses, and the books they read. Then I would use my talent for feeling my way into other people’s heads to start messing with their mind.

I was justified, I thought. In fact, I was doing them a favor, by ridding them of their naïve belief in the supernatural. In reality, where I actually succeeded, I was taking a happy person and making them unhappy. I’m not proud of putting so much time and effort into making someone else’s life worse just because I didn’t like the way they thought. (More importantly, I didn’t like the way I thought.)

I got over despising religious people sometime in my 20s, but continued to think that they were somehow mentally deficient, lacking in either a critical intellectual capability, or possessed by some emotional dependency. They were either dumb or mentally ill.

I don’t think like that anymore. I don’t know why. Nobody was more surprised than me when I married a Christian woman. My friends thought it was a joke when I was dating her. Being married to a Christian, learning to respect the fact that her beliefs are neither a liability nor a defect, has done a lot to change my attitude.

It isn’t always easy. My wife knows that, just below the surface, there still lurks this suspicion of her beliefs. And I know that she always finds something to either suspect or pity in my disbelief.

Friendship’s a tough thing. Love is tougher. Good luck.

3. sporadicblogger - December 7, 2006

Thanks for your post, I appreciate your taking the time over it. You have got the gist of diana’s and mine(wrong grammar, I know) relationship. She has been an important part ofmy life for a very long time. Ofcourse it was strange when she accepted her religion, but that isn’t what bothers me or causes a lot of our disagreements(atleast from my side). I do share a general distrust of people who wear their religion on their sleeves, and yes, in many cases I do think that they don’t think enough, but with Diana I know it is different. Her faith is a good thing. I too was an unbeliever of sorts before several things happened, almost all at once. I owe my health to a miracle. My mother lives today because of a miracle. Diana is not an unthinking bigot, I know that she feels at one with her faith. I don’t want to ‘rationalise’ with her and make her lose her faith for two reasons. Firstly, she can’t lose it, and secondly, I don’t want her to lose it. I don’t want her to go back to her pre-christian days. I see the important part it plays in her life. She’s happy. And I’m glad she’s happy. I’ve given this a lot of thought in general, and especially over the last few days. The only problem I have with her is that she thinks hers is the oly God. That Christianity is the only true religion. She has read the primary religious books of a handful of faiths, and I dare say she can defeat me in any argument about the content of these texts(because I dont care to read many), but then I see all religious texts as having suffered corruption because rge godmen of the religions never wrote them themselves. It was always written later, in many cases after the death of the godmen, and, in my opinion, bound to be full of errors. What bothers me is that she thinks that the only true/right religion is christianity, and the only true god is Jesus/His Father. I don’t know if I’m making sense, or if I’m successful in getting across to you what I feel, but I have decided that I will stop trying to convince others of my intentions. I will not revisit that paticular post of Dianas. I truly want to end it, the arguments. She is still a person that I’m always there for, but it is increasingly difficult to spend time with her, because I don’t know how to spend time with a person who believes that the bedrock I stand on is false. I don;t believe hers is.
I wish her well, always have.

4. sporadicblogger - December 7, 2006

pallavi-ha, remember its exam time 😉 We tend to do more stuff to our blogs when the exams are perilously close 🙂

5. diana - December 7, 2006

where can I email you?

6. sporadicblogger - December 9, 2006

I’ll msg you the email add through orkut.

7. sporadicblogger - December 9, 2006

glandheim; I wanted to add this as well- I personally find love a lot easier than friendship.

8. diana - December 9, 2006

I don’t do orkut anymore, can you email me please – drhiji_jc@yahoo.com
thanks

9. PALLAVI - December 12, 2006

🙂


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