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Dug out from the attic… July 27, 2006

Posted by K in Abstract Ramblings, From The Attic, God, Life.

Merely to kickstart the blogagain.

Fairies and pixies are not of this world. Much as Enid Blyton and her clan of fantasy writers would have you believe otherwise, these creatures are created so man can have a feel-good factor once in a while. They are distractions from the harshness of the battle of life. They are distractions from the unpleasantness of your everyday hurdles, they are a distraction from me.

I am not really of this world either. How, then, do you know I exist? Maybe because I wasn’t created by anybody to take you into a dreamland once in a while. What am I? Now that’s a difficult question. Lets just say I cannot be defined. Some people perceive me as Fear, some as the Lord of Darkness himself, but what is fear, but a few electrical impulses in the brain; and is there any Darkness, not to talk about the Lord of it, himself? Yet I am not so far removed from the concept of them both. Talk about Darkness of any sort, and there’s fear associated with it. Talk about fear, and most people would tell you in an embarrassed whisper: the dark. Fear of the Dark. When you’re walking the dark road, you’re the man who walks alone. The rustle of a gnarled branch, the shadows from behind, the sense that something’s watching you. You have a constant fear that something’s always there. Maybe you’re not wrong; and maybe when, in bed at night, you feel your hair standing on an end, its not the fear of the unknown. Because you know me. That you don’t want to acknowledge my presence or existence is a different matter.

Spirits, phantoms, ghosts… these are names that have been assigned to the sensation of my presence. Supernatural occurrence, paranormal activity; pseudo-scientists holed up in ancient castles with meters to detect my presence…where does it lead you? Back to square one. Sometimes a few lines jump a little on their monitors and they call a press-conference, only to have their claim counterbalanced by a thousand scientists with even more theories and proof to my inexistence, leading to doubts, confusion, and tales of the Boogie Monster under the bed. What you need is not what you get. You get penny worth bottles of Boogie Monster spray; why would you want to get rid of me anyway? I cause you less damage than you cause yourselves in one day. In a strange way, I am the connecting link between you and yourself.

Perhaps I have been building myself up, wrongly, as a dark, evil power. I did mention that it is difficult defining me. Why am I even bothering to do so? Because it is Time.

I don’t expect you to understand or comprehend the concept of Time. There is a saying, the sands of time doth run through, slip through those slender fingers of Lady Time, as she standeth alone in a quest to finish time. Does she herself understand Time or the purpose of it? Does she know me? Know of me? Perhaps. Does she acknowledge me? Never once in the aeons gone by. Perhaps she has her version of pixies and fairies to blind her. It bothered me at first, how everybody closed their eye to some realities, pleasant and unpleasant. It doesn’t anymore, especially as nobody is immune to it.

Am I the Supreme Power of the universe? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps you have wondered at and even questioned the Big Bang Theory, you most certainly would have questioned the theory of spontaneous creation. After all, what are physicists but a bunch of fellows with a line of university degrees and a wild imagination that they kid themselves is science. How advanced IS this science of yours? After all, its so basic that you can even test it sometimes. You cannot test the Big Bang, you cannot test Stephen Hawking, so does that make them Science? Who knows, least of all, them.

Ever wondered where it ends? After all, doesn’t everything have to have a boundary, even the universe? Perhaps it is contained, perhaps it is not; perhaps I know the answer, perhaps I don’t.

Perhaps I know of others like you, not of your world, but not fictitious like the fairies and pixies either. Perhaps they know of you, perhaps they are you. You wouldn’t know and I would never tell you.

Those of you who rant about God and his various classifications would call me Satan if I questioned Him. And if I didn’t, the agnostics would term me a fool. But do I question Him? Perhaps I AM him.

Is your world a lie? Should you trash your science? Perhaps. But then you would have nothing left, would you? Just a big empty question mark, a null, an endless void? Perhaps just thinking of me inspires a sense of emptiness, of loneliness, of insignificance. I wouldn’t tell you what to do or what to think, only to think. For as long as you think, you will sense me, feel my existence. When the day comes that you go through this diary entry of mine that I am revealing, and don’t agree or disagree at any point, that will be the day you know you are lost. Perhaps such a thing has happened before, maybe I have seen many such happenings, maybe I have seen none.

Maybe someday you can put an age to me, but I doubt you will ever reach that stage. You will never reach that stage where you can define or even feel me to a large degree; if and when that happens, you will become me.

Is anybody then supposed to find an answer to me? Most definitely. The day you stop looking for me is, perhaps, the Doomsday that you like to talk about.

What matters is that I exist. I am not bad news, but am I good news? I have revealed myself endlessly to each and everyone of you when you weren’t looking, will you prepare to look? There is no reason for you to look though. You are not deprived of anything through your ignorance of me. However, this I can promise you: when you discover me, you will have Raihzorrh; a reason, an answer to everything.

Is that enough to motivate you? I await to see.




1. diana - July 27, 2006

hmmmm thats interesting stuffies,
can u be nothing and everything at the same time. can something be true and false in the same moment. maybe
does ur almightiness affect the civilians and soldiers dying bloodily in wars, do u give hope to victims of murder and rape and torture, does ur existence mean crap to anyone in their time of suffering or need. can they even get an aspirin off u for their headache.
if ur the connecting factor between me and myself then i must be parallel to myself because maybe there is no link at all, maybe u dont even exist if thats the way to explain/prove it
it = the truth in ur writing

and let me quote:
“Perhaps just thinking of me inspires a sense of emptiness, of loneliness, of insignificance.”
all but the last. and its beautiful. u will always be special to me. i love you

2. sporadicblogger - July 29, 2006

Whew! What an intense comment 🙂

I wrote this a few years ago, I think, when I was trying to pin down spirituality, God, the soul…the complete works. I still cannot pin it down, and after all, who can? The minute you think you do, a thousand questions and counter questions start jumping up and down like school children.
Sometimes, you feel you know it all, it has been Revealed, your faith has made an ordered pile of the chaotic understanding of life. But isn’t blind faith analogous to the most hienous (sorry about spelling)crime(short of rape, perhaps)?
Why is it blasphemous to question God? Why is it blasphemous to spell it as god? Hm.

Really appreciate your comment. It has made me think and once the thought is done with its churning itself out, I will put up a post.

Thank you for visiting 🙂

3. sporadicblogger - July 29, 2006

And welcome to the blogging world 😉

4. diana - July 30, 2006

It is not blasphemous to question God or to spell his name as god. God isn’t God’s name its a … I’m not sure what it is. Its a meaning more than it is a name.

This comment obviously only reflects my views so dont go hyper on me, lol,
but in response to:
“Sometimes, you feel you know it all, it has been Revealed, your faith has made an ordered pile of the chaotic understanding of life. But isn’t blind faith analogous to the most hienous…crime…?”
I ask u how? lol

again, blind faith is your term for it because you don’t see what i see, but maybe what is blindness to you is enlightenedness to me. your logic that ‘truth cant be defined’ should allow u to give my view the benefit of doubt 🙂

about questioning God, u probably think i dont question him because i feel its wrong to, but thats so untrue. i dont question God about things which i already believe. for instance, u know ur mum is ur mum, do u go to her everyday and ask “mummy are u REALLY my mummy? have u REALLY raised me since i was born? what about all my bday parties are those pictures REALLY from them? how can i be sure u didnt forge them to make me think i had a happy childhood? how do i know i wasnt abused as a baby? mummy are you REALLY my mummy? if ur my mummy why cant i be your mummy back?”
those questions are never asked because you BELIEVE what ur mummy says.

look at it this way. there is a certain set of things ur mummy has told u. lets say out of 10 things, 8 things are in line with each other. “i am mummy, i love u, i gave u birth, i raised u, gave u joy in ur childhood, i cook ur meals…” etc. 2 things are not in line, for example “santa claus gives u presents on christmas”, and “ur brother lives in kerala and he will visit us next week”.

u instinctively or normally WONT doubt the first set of 8. u have seen examples of her love for u every day and u have memories, even if only faint. she speaks with a certain consistency which gives u assurance that she truly is who she says she is.
but the second set of 2, u have ur doubts. there is no reason for those 2 things to be true. what if there is no santa claus, what if there is no brother. will ur mother mind if u ask her about that? i dont think so. she might mind if u ask her “how do i know u love me” because u see it all the time, but she wont mind if u say “how do i know i even have a brother”

now 9 times out of 10 ur mum will tell u the truth. santa claus isnt a real person, he is like the tooth fairy. ur brother does exist, and he IS coming. when he comes, u will see him. u will never see santa claus. when santa claus comes, u can pull his beard because u know hes a fake. when ur brother comes, u do not have to suspiciously question who he is, he will be exactly as i describe to u, and trust me on it.

if u dont believe ur mother about ur brother that means u r very very wary of ur mum and have absolutely no trust in her inspite of her love and the first 8 things u believed. i wouldnt commend u for that.

and if ur mum lies to u about santa claus, and insists he is real inspite of the fact that u r asking sincerely, then i wont commend her for that, and u will find out because the other people in the world will testify against her.

in everything u will have a testimony so that u can be sure either way. but if u block ur own heart and say “just because there is no such thing as a certainty, i will NOT believe my mum inspite of ALL the proof she gives me” then its ur life kid u chose what to do with it. lol. if u spend the rest of ur life lost and lonely cos u couldnt trust anybody, thats ur problem. u will never know what its like to have a loving relationship with ur mum if u dont trust her. and u WILL grieve ur mum in the process, but if ur that hard u wont even care what she thinks.

so if someone says to u for trusting ur mum, “u have blind faith”, will u say u have reason to trust her or not? does she stop u from questioning her, does she hold back answers from u? does she give u snakes if u ask for bread? shes a loving mum and u SEE that, u trust her because of that.

so about God i will say there are 2 ways of looking at it. no, 3.

1. stand at a distance and analyse as a subject of study. u will get answers like “my mum is 6 feet tall, she has yellow hair and she likes to wear pink dresses” and if someone says “she is very loving and she feeds me everyday so that i will be healthy” ull jump at them and say “i didnt find that in my study, u r looking at abstract things which can never be confirmed, ur conclusion is useless and blind. maybe wishful thinking”

2. u decide what U want ur mum to be like, and u say “my mum is pretty with black hair and rosy cheeks, she takes me to candy shops everyday and she never yells at me for not doing my homework. she doesnt feed me green vegetables but im allowed to have ice cream everyday”. thats the kind of mum u would ask “are u really my mum?”
if u have decided what ur mum is like, there is no difference between her and an imaginary friend. and if u r basing ur view of her on ur own desires, then ur just sick and self-obsessed. the test for that is simple- is your mum’s purpose in life only to serve u? in ur relationship with ur mum, are u the central character? does ur mum exist without u? what would it be like if u werent in the picture would ur mum still be the same? would she be totally incomplete?

3. u approach God directly and ask him who he is, and u trust him to lead u to an answer. u trust ur mum that she will tell u the truth. trust doesnt mean that u will create an image of her in ur head like the 2nd way, not at all. trust means u will ask for proof and be open to believing because ur mum WILL give u proof. she will show u ur birth certificate, ur primary school records, ur photos, ur neighbours’ testimonies. u have a choice then to believe her or not.
the test to know whether this approach is your approach is this- you will find that God can exist without u, he DID exist before u, he is truthful about what he says, he ALWAYS gives u proof for what he says, he gives u a choice to believe him or not, he doesnt tell u to believe in men but in his proofs which are built in a manner that are not likely to be altered by men, and he is the mum who is not afraid to discipline u when u are not eating well, or when u r doing badly at school. he will bring out his ruler and u will stretch out ur hand, he will strike u and ask u to rewrite ur work, u will cry but he will not relent, u will do ur work and then he will take u out to the park for a treat. when u find urself GROWING and changing and loving and thinking and appreciating… AND… SECURE…. CERTAIN that u know ur mum wont sell u to a stranger at the park… thats when u know u have my way of knowing God… the personal way…

this started out as a comment but im going to put this up as a post on my blog. yay

anyway i hope that answers ur question about my blind faith. u can choose to believe God or not, u can choose to say “i dont even wanna LOOK at ur proofs cos NOTHING u say can be convincing enough” but u do that when u accuse ur own mum of forging ur birth certificate and witnesses of ur birth.

maybe u r worried she kidnapped u when u were a baby and killed ur real mom.

my God didnt do that. he’s real. he’s mine. and i’m his.
hallelujah (=praise the Lord) 🙂

5. diana - July 30, 2006

if you want to delete that comment u may… lol
no really i like how u write.

6. sporadicblogger - July 30, 2006

Two things.

1) I believe in God
2) i believe my God is not the only god.
3) And the traditional Christian reading of God irritates me, and I strongly disagree with the whole benevolent god, im so unworthy crap.
4) Lets just put it this way. I will never agree with your views on spirituality and your concept of god. We will ALWAYS disagree on this. Its unfortunate, but its not worth the angst.

More than two things, then.

7. diana - July 30, 2006

lol @ more than two things
fair enough.

8. arse female - February 23, 2007

arse female

arse female friends

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